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Halloween Haul/Transcript

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(Bud's Pets is decorated for Halloween. Inside, Bud is cleaning the floor while wearing a mask. A spider spins the words "HAPPY HALLOWEEN" onto its tank. A bunch of mice carve a face in a pumpkin. A rabbit goes to the top of a shelf and wolf howls at a desk lamp) (Crossfade to inside a tank, all the fish are dressed up in costumes and having fun)
Fish: (chattering) Trick or treat!/Trick or treat!/Happy Halloween! (contiues under)
Mrs. Goldfishberg: Happy Halloween!
Mr. Goldfishberg: Here you go!

(Cut to Bea and Milo, dressed as a zombie and sushi respectively. They are swimming at top speed, screaming. They arrive at Milo and Oscar's living room and pant)
Oscar: Hey, you guys are back sooner than I thought. (drinks a carton of milk)
Milo: OSCAR! You're never gonna believe what happened. There we were, just starting to get our trick or treat groove on, when suddenly...
Oscar: Jocktopus.
Milo: Jockto -- hey, how'd you guess?
(A fish outside screams, Jocktopus comes by and strangles him, his shirt says "This IS my costume")
Jocktopus: Trick or treat, guppy!
Oscar: It happens every year!
(Cutway to a picture of Jocktopus strangling Albert, Bea, Finberley, Oscar and Milo while swallowing candy)
Oscar (cont.) (sighs) I love trick or treating more than anyone, but as long as Jocktopus is allowed to terrorize the streets, Halloween is but a dream.
(Bea peeks up from behind the couch)
Bea: (spookly) Orrrr a nightmaaaaaare! Oooh! (normal) I'm a zombie. (hands Oscar a card)
Oscar: What's this?
Bea: A comment card. I'm trying to perfect my performance in the horror genre, and I'm looking for feedback.
(Close up of the card, it has a green thumbs-up on the left and a red thumbs-down on the right, both have checkboxes underneath. Oscar checks the thumbs-down)
Oscar: Sorry Bea, you're just not as scary as Milo.
Milo: I'm a fish wearin' sushi!
("Psycho" music plays)
Bea: Doesn't matter if our costumes are scary anyway. No one's gonna see 'em.
Milo: Oh, if only there was someplace else we could go out. Someplace that had no Jocktopus. Like a Jocktopus-free city, full of unchallenged trick or treating. (gasps) A Jocktopuslessoplis!
Oscar: (gasps in delight) I think you're on to something, Milo! It's true there's no Jocktopus out there to steal our candy! But if we're gonna do this, we're gonna have to do it big. Tell everybody, this year we trick or treat outside the tanks!

(Crossfade to outside the tanks where everyone gathers)
Shellsea: (dressed as the Bride of Frankenstein) Halloween's the best excuse for big hair.
Finberley: (she and Koi are dressed as a horse) Koi and I are dressed up as a horse. I'm the head, and Koi's the, uh...
Koi: Bah!
Albert: (dressed as a wizard) Huzzah, and three cheers for a Halloween without bullies.
Jumbo: (dressed as an owl) Hoot, hoot! I'm an owl!
Clamantha: (dressed as a punk rocker) It's Halloween?
Bea: Uhhhhaaaaahhhh...uhhhhaaaaahhhh...
Oscar: (dressed as a cowboy) Wow, Bea. You're getting really good at being a zom -- (notices Steve) Steve Jackson! You put your shirt on RIGHT NOW!
Steve: (is wearing jeans and no shirt, showing his manly breasts) But it's my costume, dude. I'm a shirtless werewolf, when it's not a full moon. (wiggles breasts)
(The girls sigh, Esmargot is dressed as a ghost)
Shellsea: Sa-weet.
Milo: Mm-hmm!
Oscar: Well, we're all here!
Randy: (offscreen) Sorry I'm late.
(Camera shows Randy, dressed as a pirate, with a wagon)
Everyone: Randy?
Milo: He got my invite. Look, we're gonna need his wagon if we want some serious candy!
Oscar: Okay, Randy, give us one good reason why we should trust you.
Randy: Because Jocktopus takes my candy every year, too! Normally, I wouldn't offer my services to the likes of you. We're like mayo and orange juice -- we don't mix. But I'll do anything for candy.
Milo: Sounds good to me!
Oscar: (flatly) Okay, he's in.
Bea: Eyes!
(Everyone's water suits spray their eyes with water)

(Cut to everyone in the wagon, Finberley and Koi are pulling it)
Milo: Tally-ho, Finberley and Koi!

(Cut to everyone at the doorstep to a house)
Everyone/Koi: Trick or treat!/Ahh!
(Murphy's paw appears, he barks)
Milo/Bea/Oscar: Murphy!
(Murphy throws candy into everyone's bags)

(Milo rings a doorbell)
Everyone/Koi: Trick or treat!/Ahh!
Bird: Oh, children. Yes, delicious apples for you all. (tosses apples into their bags) Ye-e-e-e-es.

(Milo rings another doorbell)
Everyone/Koi/Clamantha: Trick or treat!/Ahh!/Trick or treeeeeat!
(The door opens, Wilfred the cat roars loudly, everyone screams and rolls away in the wagon in shock)

(Milo rings the doorbell of the Geckowskis, the Geckcoach opens the door)
Geckcoach: What for do you want?
Everyone/Koi/Milo: Trick or treat!/Ahh!/Triiick orrr treeeeeeat!
Geckcoach: Wow, you look just like fish. (sniffs) You even smell like them! Here is some deodorant for your terrible fish smell. (tosses deodorant into their bags and laughs)

(Milo rings another doorbell, a spider grandma opens the door)
Bea: (spookly) Oooooooh, I'm a zombieeeee! Oooooooooooh! (normal) Ahem, would you please rate my performance on how much I scared you? (hands her a comment card)
(The spider grandma checks the thumbs-down box and hands the card to Bea)
Bea (cont.) Oh, come on! What do you know about being scary, anyway?!
Spider Grandma: Ahem... (Roars loudly)
(Everyone screams, the spider grandma gives candy to everyone but Bea)
Milo/Finberley/Oscar: Now that was scary!/Got it out pretty good!/You scared me!

(Milo rings the doorbell of Snake and Mouse's tank, they come out)
Snake: Oh my gosh! It's them!
Everyone/Koi/Clamantha: Trick or treat!/Ahh!/Hahaha!
Mouse: I don't like their costumes. Especially the zombie.
Bea: Oh! Come! ON!
Snake: Happy Halloween! (dumps a bowl of candy over everyone)

(Cut to everyone eating their candy on the wagon, for some reason Finberley and Koi aren't pulling it)
Oscar: They're stuck in my braces! (chuckles)
Finberley: Trick or treating and no Jocktopus -- awesome!
Shellsea: This idea -- killerrrrrah.
Milo: I know! I'm glad I thought of it!
Finberley: Wait, if Koi and I are up here, who's pulling the wagon?
(Camera pans down to Jocktopus, Pass, Punt and Fumble are pulling the handle)
Jocktopus: Trick or treat! Smell my feet! Give me your candy, losers!
Everyone/Koi: Oh, no! It's Jocktopus!/Wahhhh!
Milo: (holds up a wrapped peppermint) Hey, Jocktopus! Go get it! (tosses it between some bird seed bags)
Jocktopus: One piece of candy? Jocktopus isn't that stupid!
(Oscar throws another roll between the bags, Jocktopus cringes)
Jocktopus: Don't go nowhere! (runs off)
Oscar: Let's get outta here!
(Esmargot, Bea and Oscar drive the wagon away at full speed)

Bea: How could he possibly find us?!
Esmargot: This was supposed to be a Jocktopus-free zone!
Oscar: Don't worry, guys! We'll be fine as long as we can stay free of obsticles! AAAAHHHHH! Dead end!
(Camera shows a huge wall of baggage and cages)
Oscar (cont.): Everyone on the wagon! (everyone does) Today, the Randy Flier, is gonna earn its name!
(The wagon handle hits a box, it flies high and bounces across the shelves before landing on the ground)
Bea: (gasps) You did it, Oscar! We're going to make it home! I could just kiss you!
Oscar: (blushes) I love Halloweeeeen.

(There is a loud POP, the wagon slows down. Its back right tire is flat)
Oscar (cont.): A flat tire?!
Steve: Did we hit a nail?
Oscar: What happened?
Finberley: How did this?
Koi: Weh, weh! (points to something)
Milo: (looks at the break in the tire) Hold on, folks! This tire was pinched.
Randy: Are you accusing me of double-crossing you by teaming up with Jocktopus? How dare you, sir!
Milo: Oh! Huh, sorry. Guess I was wrong.
Randy: No, no, you're totally right. (eats a candy corn on his hook) I've been leading Jocktopus to us the entire time!
(Camera shows a trail of candy corn, everyone gasps. Jocktopus is eating one of the candy corns)
Oscar: RANDY!!! WHY?!? WHY MAN, WHY?!? WHY?!? WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY?!? WH-H-HY?!?
Randy: He promised me half the haul! What did you think was gonna happen, ya ding-dongs?
Jocktopus: Jocktopus rules Halloweeeeeen!
(Everyone screams, Jocktopus leaps toward them and laughs while strangling Esmargot, Steve, Finberley and Albert)
Steve: So, why should...
Finberley: This year...
Albert: Be any different?
Pass: Get 'em, Jocktopus! Get 'em!
Punt: Ha ha ha ha! You guys ain't nothing but of Halloweenies!
(Jocktopus grabs them, takes the pinched tire away and replaces it with Pass. He puts Punt and Fumble near the handle, then blankets the candy like an old west wagon. He gets on it, Randy joins him)
Randy: Nice work, partner. So, how do you wanna split this? 50/50? 60/40?
Jocktopus: (kicks Randy away and takes out some licorice) Licorice Whip. Giddyup! Hya!
(He whips Punt and Fumble, they start pulling the wagon. Pass shrieks)
Randy: No! Please come baaack! Caaandyyyy!
(The wagon drives into a desert area of the pet shop)
Randy (cont.): Eh, what do I care? I'm rich. I'll just buy my own candy! (snaps, grabs ladder of helicopter) So long, suckers! I'm Randy Pincherson!
(The helicopter flies away)

Clamantha: (sighs) I'm not gonna lie to you, guys. I'm having a heck of a day.
Milo: My dream of candy, gone! Uhguh!
Finberley: Uhguh!
Milo: Uhguh!
Finberley: Uhguh!
Milo: Uhguh!
Finberley: Uhguh!
Milo: Uhguh!
Finberley: Uhguh!
(Koi sobs and snuggles Steve hardly)
Esmargot: Well, that's what we get for trying.
Oscar: So that's it, huh? You're okay with letting Jocktopus ruin another Halloween? 'Cause I'm not! I was finally starting to enjoy myself! Milo, when I told you that you'd never catch your tail, did that stop you from trying?
(Milo rolls in circles trying to catch his tail)
Oscar (cont.): Finberley, did you give up writing fan letters to Taylor Swordfish after the restraining order?
Finberley: You -- knew about that? Oh!
Oscar: (while Shellsea texts on her phone) What about you, Shellsea? Will you ever stop talking about me behind my back?
Shellsea: Turn around. (he does) No.
Esmargot: But...what are you suggesting we do about it, Oscar?
Oscar: I'm suggesting... (holds up horse costume) everyone get inside this horse outfit!

(Cut to Jocktopus on the wagon)
Jocktopus: Huh ha ha! That was so easy!
Punt: Not that easy.
Punt/Fumble: (get whipped) Ow! Ow!
(Oscar rides the horse with everyone in it up to Jocktopus)
Oscar: Grr! (kicks the side) Hya!
(inside the costume)
Albert: Ah! (giggles) That kinda tickled.
Bea: Albert! Stay focused. Right!
Albert: Left!
Bea: Right!
Albert: Left!
Bea: Right!
Albert: Left!
Bea: KEEP GALLOPING!
Oscar: Give it up, Jocktopus! That candy is ours!
Jocktopus: Jocktopus. Get away! (tries to whip Oscar but misses)
(Jocktopus bumps an ant farm, it topples over)
Oscar: Whoooaaaaa!
(The ant farm breaks, releasing the ants)
Oscar: STAMPEEEEEEDE!!!
(The ants trail them)
Jocktopus: (whips) Hya! Hya!
Oscar: Jocktopus, just give us back our candy, OR ELSE!
Jocktopus: Pfft, you don't scare me!
Oscar: Oh, yeah?!?!? Does that?!
Jocktopus: (looks up) Huh?
Bea: (spookly) Ooooooooh! I'm a zombieeeee!
Jocktopus: Ahhh! Bad acting! Bad acting! (jumps up and hangs on the edge of the wagon)
Bea: Eh, I'll take it where I can get it.
Oscar: Now, everyone!
(Everyone gets on the wagon, Jocktopus's hat flies off and gets torn by the ants)
Jocktopus: Huh? Save me!
Oscar: We'll only help you if you promise to NEVER, steal our Halloween candy, EVER AGAIN!
Jocktopus: Ohhhh, never?
Oscar: Never! Never EVER!
Jocktopus: Jocktopus promise.
Oscar: Pinkie swear?
Jocktopus: Aw. Jocktopus hate you. (locks his pinkie to Oscar's)
(They get Jocktopus aboard, but they are about to aproach the end of a shelf)
Bea: Oscar! The ants are gonna push us right off the cliff!
Finberley: Ahhhhhh!!!
Oscar: Wait! That's just what we want. (grabs the licorice whip) Hi-ya!
Punt/Fumble: Ow! Ow!
Oscar: Faster, faster!
Milo: Here...we...gooooooooooo...
(In slow-mo, the wagon flies off the cliff. Everyone lands back in the tanks with the candy)
Milo/Bea/Oscar: We did it! Yay!/Yay!/Candy!

(Scene cuts to a Halloween party outside Freshwater High)
Everyone: Hey!/Trick or treat! (continues under)
Milo: Dude, I told you this would be the best Halloween of all time! And it's thanks to the guy who didn't even want to go out.
Oscar: Aw, shucks. 'Twern't nothin'. From now on, it's always gonna be great. We never have to worry about Jocktopus ruining Halloween ever again!
Milo/Bea/Oscar: Woo-hoo!/Woo!/Hot dog!/Yeah!

(Scene cuts to show a time card reading "3½ Weeks Later". Cut to everyone at a table, Bea and Oscar are dressed like pilgrims)
Oscar: Please give thanks for this glorious Fishgiving feast.
(The tank crashes, Jocktopus grabs the turkey)
Jocktopus: Give Jocktopus your turkey!
(Everyone screams)
Jocktopus: (holding the turkey) JOCKTOPU-U-U-U-US! (zips off)

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