(At Freshwater Mall)
Milo: (to the ice cream vendor) I would like to order a healthy portion of ice cream with these toppings: bananas, churros, jelly beans, and -- they're not on the menu, but RAISINS!
Ice Cream Vendor: Well, aren't we decisive today. (to Oscar) Now, what can I get for you?
(Widen to reveal Oscar in a tux)
Milo: A medium Algae Surprise milkshake, with a dab of cherry pate.
Oscar: Wow, that sounds really good.
Milo: (gets his ice cream) Anytime, bro! You know, I'm always here to make your tough choices. (wolfs down his ice cream)
Oscar: Then, maybe you can help me pick out a tie for my date with Angela. (holds out tickets) We're going to see a show at Moon's Magic Palace, and I gotta look real spiffy!
(He swims down the hall as Milo continues wolfing his ice cream)
Oscar (cont.): The right tie is very important. It could make me look swave and sophisticated. But the wrong tie -- ohhhh, I don't wanna pick the wrong tie! What if it's not there? What if the whole store -- is filled with wrong ties?! (they arrive at Tie-dal Wave, Milo finishes eating) I don't feel so good, I-I can't do this!
Milo: This is why I'm here! I am pickin' out a tie for YOU! Hey, here comes Bea!
(Oscar's perspective, Bea is listening to an MP3 player)
Milo (cont.): Don't ask her for help.
Oscar: (as Bea waves) But she always gives me good fashion advice.
Milo: She's a girl in a mall, she can't make a decision to save her life!
Bea: Hey, Oscar! What are you dressed up for?
Milo: Okay, Bea, I've got something to prove for Oscar. Who do you like more? Me, or Oscar?
Bea: That's not a fair question, you're both my friends.
Milo: I rest my case.
Oscar: I just need a tie for my date. Milo's gonna help me choose.
Bea: (applauds) Oh, fun! I wanna help.
Milo: Hush! Oscar, is gonna buy the tie, that I choose. You go do your Bea stuff, okay? I gots this.
Bea: Um, I think I'm a better judge of what a girl wants to see hanging from her date's neck. Come on, Oscar, let me show you.
Oscar: Okay. (He and Bea swim into Tie-dal Wave)
Milo: Oh, brother! This is gonna take forever!
(Cut to the inside of Tie-dal Wave)
Oscar: So many choices!
Businessman: Welcome to Tie-dal Wave.
Bea: Oh, my gosh! That one has a horse on it!
Businessman: You get in. (at Oscar) You get in. (at Milo) Stop! You, are filthy.
Milo: Uh, I'm the tie-picker-outer. My brother needs me in there, so...uh...
Businessman: (stops Milo with a broom) You, must wait outside.
Milo: What? Why?
Businessman: Only sophisticated clientele are allowed in this establishment, not the likes of you.
Milo: Oh-ho, you are making a BIG mistake, mister! (he pushes him with the broom) I'M COMIN' BACK FOR YOU, OSCARRR!!!
Oscar: Milo, you can't leave me here with all these ties! (has ties on his arms) I'll never be able to pick one without you!
Milo: Wait right here! I'LLLL! BEEEE! BAAAACK! (gets thrown out)
(Milo lands on the floor outside the store. Behind him, Hugh walks into Tie-dal Wave)
Milo: There's no time to lose! I gotta get in there and help Oscar! But...how?
Businessman: (as Hugh comes out) Thank you, Mr. Edmundson. Do come again.
Hugh: Au revoir!
Businessman: Oh, that Hugh!
Milo: (swims up to Hugh) Hugh! You gotta hook a brother up with some of your fancy!
Hugh: Milo? You never talked to me at school. Why zis sudden interest?
Milo: I need to be high society, so I can help Oscar! He needs me.
Hugh: Helping your brozer iz a noble cause. But are you certain you wish to leave your old self behind, to persue ze glory of a fancy life?
Milo: Uh, how do I say "yes" in fancy talk?
(Scene wipes to show Hugh and Milo riding a bike through a field)
Milo: Woohoo! I always wondered who lived in this majestic countryside!
Hugh: Fanciness, she is a way of life, Milo.
(Cut to show Hugh's mansion)
Hugh (cont.): Zis will not be an easy task, Milo. Most fish give up before ever becoming truly fancy.
Hugh (cont.): Welcome, to Chez Edmundson.
(Pan through the mansion as a harpsichord plays in the background)
Milo: (gasps) Ohhh, it feels so classy in here! (flaps tongue) And the water, it's so delicious!
Hugh: Rose water, I find it sets ze mood for fanciness.
(Cut to Hugh's tea room)
Hugh (cont.): We have reached -- your first trrraining ground.
Milo: (sits in a chair) Training ground? Looks like a tea party to me!
Hugh: (pours tea) Yes, as we sip, we will make you fancy.
Milo: Well, let's make it snappy! I gotta get back to Oscar! Without me, he's toast!
Hugh: Indeed. Zere is no time to lose. Zit straight! (Milo does) Show me your fins! (Milo does) Elbows up! (Milo does, he gives him the tea) Speak softly and sip slowly. And always remember, you must respect ozer fishes' personal space. (Milo slides up to him) Do not do zis in public.
Milo: Hehehe! But I do this to all my friends!
Hugh: (pushes Milo away) Zis must change. It is as simple as zat. (sips)
(Milo gulps down the water in a vase)
Hugh (cont.): No no!
Milo: (spits) Oh! (wraps himself in the table cloth and hides) Did I do bad?
Hugh: A fancy fish drinks from a cup, Milo.
Milo: Cup? (takes the cup and sips) Now, THAT's fancy!
Hugh: (wipes Milo's mouth) Tres bien! Come, zere is still much to learn.
(At Tie-dal Wave)
Bea: Ooh! Look at that one!
Oscar: ...Sure, but... (takes a blue tie with a lightning bolt) What about this one?
Bea: Yeah, okay. But what about this one? (shows a dull pink tie) Confident guys wear pink ties!
Oscar: I don't know! Look at the size of our "Maybe" pile! (widen to show a huge pile of ties) I think we do need Milo.
Bea: No, we don't! This is simple! You just need to pick the one that complements your suit. And your eyes. It has to say, "Hey, I'm Oscar. I wanna make your dreams come true." And then say, "I have secrets." But not creepy secrets!
Oscar: (sweats) Yeah, wwwwe definitely need Milo.
(Cut to Hugh's backyard)
Hugh: And now we move on to ze sport of fancy fish -- Croquet.
Milo: (takes a mallet) Fancy fish like hammers?
Hugh: Zese are mallets, Milo. You know, like in ze video game, uh...how you say -- "Kooky Carpenter Cousins"?
Milo: Oh, yeah!
Hugh: Now, see here. Ze mallets, you swing zem gently, to strike ze ball in just such a way zat it rolls through ze hoop.
Milo: Fancy boy say WHAAAAAT?!
Hugh: Ze oop.
Milo: Say WHAAAAAT?!
Hugh: Ze oop.
Milo: Say WHAAAAAT?! (Hugh slams him on the head with his mallet) You mean...that thing? (points at the hoop)
Milo: Oh! Watch this.
(He hits the ball, but it does not go into the goal, but it bounces off a tree and goes through a woman's, Henrietta's, hair, causing it to deflate)
Hugh: Be careful! Zere was no hoop in zat wig! Watch how I do zis.
(He hits the ball properly through the hoop. A boy, Francis, pops out of a bush)
Francis: A ball, Mummy! Hooray! (his mother comes over, Hugh waggles his eyebrows)
Milo: Hmm... (knocks another ball over to Francis)
Francis: Oh, Mummy! Another one!
Hugh: Tres bien, Milo.
Milo: You know, I think I'm gettin' the hang of this.
(Cut to Tie-dal Wave where Oscar and Bea are digging through the pile of ties)
Oscar: (sweating) Too many choices, (Albert swims up) I can't possibly decide!
Albert: Oh, wow. Are you picking out a tie?
Oscar: Huhuhuh, yeah.
Albert: How exciting! I'm a tie enthusiast, too! (looks at his red tie) What are you selecting today?
Oscar: Oh, no, I'm not a collector, I just need a tie for a date.
Albert: Any tie nut can see you have the perfect tie right here. (close up on his tie, a pink one with lights and a bunny)
Oscar: Uhhhh, I just can't tell anymore.
Albert: Well, I think it's incredible. But...I'll just put it here and let you think about it. Don't sweat it. I'll help you find one.
Businessman: Hmm, it seems you're having some difficulty finding the right tie. (holds up a remote) Well, rest easy, there's still an entire store-worth of ties left to see. (presses remote) Voila, the first floor is reveled.
(the floor opens revealing more ties)
Oscar: Oh, no. Oh, no! Oh, no!! OH, NOOOOOOOO!!!
(Cut to Hugh's ballroom, Henrietta from earlier comes down the stairs with her wig back to normal)
Hugh: I will show you once how to do zis dance. Zen, you will do it yourself.
Hugh: (bowing) Bonsoir.
Henrietta: (curtsies) Bonsoir.
Milo: (gasps) That looks hard! But if being fancy means dancing, then, I'm gonna dance my heart out! (to Henrietta, bows) Good day, Henrietta.
(Henrietta curtsies, Milo dances weird)
(Song: Dance, Shake and Swing)
♪ Yeah, get off that thing! ♪
♪ Dance, shake and swing! ♪
♪ Let me do my thing! ♪
Hugh: No no, you're doing it all wrong! Stop! Zis is your greatest challenge. You must dance like ze wind, zen, you will achieve true fanciness.
Milo: Very well! For Oscar!
(Milo dancees properly with Henrietta for several seconds, stopping in front of a fountain)
Fountain of Fancy: Milo!
Hugh: Ze Fountain of Fancy! It speaks!
Fountain of Fancy: You have proven yourself a sophisticated fish! I now pronounce you: fancy!
(The "eyes" on the statue of a fountain sparkle and shine down, bathing Milo in light. A white glow expands outward from him and engulfs the entire screen)
Hugh: It is breathtaking.
(Wipe to Tie-dal Wave)
Oscar: Okay, we do not have much more time! We need to come to a decision, guys!
Shellsea: Rock the chest-hair style. No tie.
Oscar: Bad idea! (lifts shirt revealing chest hair) Trust me.
Bea: (holding a pink tie with multicolored circles) Ladies love short ties!
Oscar: Uh...it looks kinda bad.
Albert: (Shows a bowtie that looks like a bunny) A tie needs bunnies to be a true date tie. Like this classic bow. (Close up of the tie) His name is Bernard.
Oscar: I'm-a...still not too sure about the bunnies.
Koi: Wah! (throws some bows into his arms)
Oscar: Koi, these are refrigerator magnets.
Bo Gregory: (shows a bolo tie with a cowboy hat) A bolo tie'd look pretty spiffy.
Steve: Just focus on the hair, man.
Businessman: Perhaps you would like to see the storeroom.
Oscar: MILO!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!! (hears fanfare) What was that?
(Outside the store, a red blimp flies overhead)
Albert: How fancy!
(The bottom pole opens up revealing a blue egg with gold lining. It falls down and opens, out comes Milo, riding a purple seahorse and wearing French clothes and a ridiculous poofy wig)
Milo: (Speaking in a phony English accent) I have graduated from the School of Fancy and I'm here to help my brother pick out a tie.
Businessman: Ohohohoho! Gracious!
Milo: I assume you will let me in now!
Businessman: Yes, of course, your majesty.
(Inside Tie-dal Wave...)
Oscar: Milo, thank goodness you're here! You;re the only one that can pick this tie!
Milo: Yes, yes. But where to begin? There's so much quality here, so many fine pieces of fabric. I couldn't possibly be bothered making a decision quickly.
Oscar: Just pick one! There's only fifteen minutes until my date!
Milo: (smiles, drops two ties, one purple and one pink with stripes) Fancy takes time.
Oscar: Oh, gosh! Milo's gone so fancy, he can't make a decision! I gotta undo this madness! Koi!
(Koi grabs Milo)
Milo: Ooh! Unhand me!
Oscar: This is for your own good, Milo. (rips his suit off)
Milo: My finery! (Koi slams him on a whoopee cushion) How revolting! (Koi dunks him in a fountain, washing off his makeup) My powder! This is barba -- (Oscar tosses ice cream in his face) Ohh!! (Oscar pulls his wig) My wig! Ah! (his wig comes off, he falls) Where am I?
Oscar: You're at the mall. How do you feel?
Milo: I feel like...throwing a picnic in a rose garden -- (Oscar throws more ice cream on him)
Oscar: Come back to me, Milo! What do you say when you're happy?
Milo: Uh...come again?
Oscar: What do you say when you're happy?
Oscar: Not that! Think with your heart!
Milo: (scratches head) Uh...uh...
Oscar: Come on!
Oscar: Come on!
Milo: HOOOOOOOOOT DAAAWWWWWG!!!!!!
Milo: (licks) MM-MM-MM! (hugs Oscar) Thank you, Oscar!
Oscar: Okay, you gotta help me pick a tie!
Milo: Ooh! That's right! And I know just the one.
(In Tie-dal Wave...)
Businessman: Ugh, you again. (Milo takes his tie) Oh! My tiiiie!!!
(Close up of Milo, the tie is green with a golden circle on it, that looks like an "O")
Oscar: "O" is for Oscar! Of course!
Hugh: Helping your friends, is always fancy.
(Iris out and Milo burps)
Mouse: ♪ La, lalalala laaaaa! La, lalalala laaaaa! La, lalalala laaaaa! ♪
Snake: Oh, Mouse, you have such a beautiful voice. (rattles) Can you teach me to sing like you?
Mouse: Sure! Just open your mouth. Wider. (Snake does) Wider! (Snake does) Wider still!
Snake: ♪ Ah, ah, ah... ♪
Male mouse: (comes out of Snake's mouth) Hey! Shut the door, I'm bein' digested in here! (goes back in)
Mouse: (pause) Father?